Aloha Shirt Man Guest-Hosts the Jeopardy Celebrity Christmas Extravaganza with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Invisible Hand Appearing as Contestants, a prose poem by Michael Brockley

Aloha Shirt Man Guest-Hosts the Jeopardy Celebrity Christmas Extravaganza with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Invisible Hand Appearing as Contestants
by Michael Brockley

Santa Claus putzes with the buzzer, ringing in midway through the Tooth Fairy’s blitz through Christmas Carols with Mistletoe in the title. When the big elf weighs in, he tosses out bromides about seasonal pastries and the veterinary care of flying reindeer. The old saint dumbfounds Aloha with his ignorance of world cultures, as the Tooth Fairy expounds upon feng shui creches. Monopolizes the Christmas Ghosts category. While the Tooth Fairy stifles the jolly night rambler, the Invisible Hand drones about the purity of self-correcting markets. When the Hand brags about creating the Christmas season, Aloha cues the laugh track from the Star Wars Holiday Special, segueing into Double Jeopardy. The Tooth Fairy builds her lead by knowing about the blue, green and white suit that preceded Coca-Cola. She breezes through R-rated Yuletide Movies before Aloha can read the items. For Final Jeopardy, Santa fumbles his buzzer into a glass of water and scrawls What are Russian tea cakes on his screen. The Tooth Fairy bets a dollar on What is Greensleeves, while the Hand wagers its losses on trickle down. It never learned to answer with a question. As the credits roll, Aloha Shirt Man asks Santa for tips on kissing mothers.

Michael Brockley is a semi-retired school psychologist who still works in rural northeast Indiana. Several of Brockley's poems have appeared previously in Flying Island. In addition, his work can be found in Atticus Review, Gargoyle, 3Elements, Tipton Poetry Journal, Third Wednesday and Tattoo Highway. Poems are forthcoming in Riddled with Arrows and Visiting Bob: Poems Inspired by the Life and Work of Bob Dylan.